Considered musings and random commentary.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Alkeida in New York City?
We were a little surprised to hear that one of the police officials for New York City announced yesterday that NYC's Police Department has the capability to shoot down American airliners. The announcement was not made as a threat, as much as an "assurance" that -- should NYC come under attack of the Airline industries, they will indeed fight back!

In other news, we find out that over 20,000 of Col. Gidaffi's personal collection of Stinger missiles have gone "missing" in Libya. One cannot over-look the possibility that these missiles were purchased clandestinely by the NYC Police Departments in their bid for autonomy over expensive over-night parking fees at JFK and LaGuardia Airports.

Mafia officials have declined to comment, but are rumored to be brokering separate deals between the airports and several major downtown buildings... an awkward truce is currently in effect.

To find the missing missiles, perhaps Col. G should send one of his generals down to the docks in NYC, to speak to the SEIU representative, Vito "the Hands" Posieuski.

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Friday, September 09, 2011
OMG, Zombies!
Very busy at work, exhausted when not there... which is worse?

You've heard about the zombie-first-person-shooter from AngryEyes or GlowngEyes or HungryEyes or something. The Tea Party Zombies Must Die or something like that. Initially, it was the thought of seeing Michelle Bachmann in a bra/ bikini top that got me over there. I gave it a try. In a couple short minutes, I was tired of it, and searched the website to see if there was a way to submit comments. Website is not very good, but I did find an email address hidden away and decided to send an email and provide the company with valuable feedback. List this:

Dear Strange Eyes,

I heard about this game on the radio and thought "SHWEET!". I played a couple rounds, and can only report that it's not very good. No mouse control means very jerky movements. No way to AIM and fire means wasted ammo and TIME. I had to give up. The thought of Bachman in a bra/bikini is tantalizing, tho'.

For your next version, can you make Gabriel Richards one of the zombies? I think that would be fitting. You could even have an Obama-Boss at the end, with power-ups to help beat him. Nancy Pelosi could be a boss also, kind of a dinosaur-zombie. Instead of the plain "life line" for health, make a smallish "Brain Guage"! You start out normal, centered. As zombies attack you and you start loosing your brain, the guage dips to the left and the person becomes a zombie also! Power-ups would return the person to normal, or boost them into conservative. (mythologically increasing their reaction time, aiming ability, and speed.) If the person dies -- versus becoming liberal (zombie), you could have them picture the scene as they float away from their body: After a good meal, the zombies join hands, sing "What do we want? More Brains! When do we want them? NOW!" and they could join arm in arm and march around the screen, with an un-furled banner across the front, reading "Liberalism's Good, Conservatism is Dead!" or "Join us, and eat your own brain".

You can have back-ground special items/easter eggs -- kill them and get extra points:

You could have a special character Doctor Zombie who shows up sporadically in the background saying something like "I'm late to the clinic. Time to do a partial-brain abortion!" or "Hi! I'm on the Death Panel. Won't you take off your hat?"

You could have Robert Byrd (hey, he's dead anyway), walk in the background, leading small and large black dogs, whipping them and then screaming "He did it! Get Whitey! The Man's gonna keep you down!" and if the dog's get too restless, he could say "I'm on YOUR side... I respect Black Zombie Dogs. HE'S a dog hater!" and then release the Black Zombie Dog against the player. The dog's bark could sound like Rev. Sharpton -- a whining howl that occasionally parates some actual words.

If the player gets TOO far ahead, you could unleash (literally) HUNDREDS of undocumented brown and yellow zombies to over-power the player. They don't do tremendous damage, but they do steal resources, health, and weapons.

I'm still coming up with the concept, but I think I'm on a good path.

Oo! Special bosses! If the player uses a female avatar, sub-boss-rounds will be against Bill Clinton. When he's talking, the player gets groggy and can't run fast. If Bill catches the female character, he wraps his monstrous arms around her and squeezes until she's weak. The screen dims to shadow figures, and then the player is penalized and the background game sounds are 1) ripping cloth, 2) a deep squeel of a rutting southern hog, and then 3) a loud, anguished, woman's scream underlaying repeated hog squeels, closing with the sound of a woman sobbing softly while Clinton shambles away, mumbling "you better put some ice on that". The player loses up to HALF of their power, and they are weakened against attacks from other male zombies.

Hillary can also be a special boss. If the player has a male character, Hillary automatically gains 50% or more health or hit points. She has an attack of a harpy's shreak which causes the player to become disoriented and easier to attack.

I'll try to think of more, later.

Hope you enjoy, and if you make it into a stand-alone game, I would like a copy!
What do you think? Will they go for it?

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