In other news, we find out that over 20,000 of Col. Gidaffi's personal collection of Stinger missiles have gone "missing" in Libya. One cannot over-look the possibility that these missiles were purchased clandestinely by the NYC Police Departments in their bid for autonomy over expensive over-night parking fees at JFK and LaGuardia Airports.

To find the missing missiles, perhaps Col. G should send one of his generals down to the docks in NYC, to speak to the SEIU representative, Vito "the Hands" Posieuski.

Very busy at work, exhausted when not there... which is worse?

You've heard about the zombie-first-person-shooter from AngryEyes or GlowngEyes or HungryEyes or something. The Tea Party Zombies Must Die or something like that. Initially, it was the thought of seeing Michelle Bachmann in a bra/ bikini top that got me over there. I gave it a try. In a couple short minutes, I was tired of it, and searched the website to see if there was a way to submit comments. Website is not very good, but I did find an email address hidden away and decided to send an email and provide the company with valuable feedback. List this:

Dear Strange Eyes,

I heard about this game on the radio and thought "SHWEET!". I played a couple rounds, and can only report that it's not very good. No mouse control means very jerky movements. No way to AIM and fire means wasted ammo and TIME. I had to give up. The thought of Bachman in a bra/bikini is tantalizing, tho'.

For your next version, can you make Gabriel Richards one of the zombies? I think that would be fitting. You could even have an Obama-Boss at the end, with power-ups to help beat him. Nancy Pelosi could be a boss also, kind of a dinosaur-zombie. Instead of the plain "life line" for health, make a smallish "Brain Guage"! You start out normal, centered. As zombies attack you and you start loosing your brain, the guage dips to the left and the person becomes a zombie also! Power-ups would return the person to normal, or boost them into conservative. (mythologically increasing their reaction time, aiming ability, and speed.) If the person dies -- versus becoming liberal (zombie), you could have them picture the scene as they float away from their body: After a good meal, the zombies join hands, sing "What do we want? More Brains! When do we want them? NOW!" and they could join arm in arm and march around the screen, with an un-furled banner across the front, reading "Liberalism's Good, Conservatism is Dead!" or "Join us, and eat your own brain".

You can have back-ground special items/easter eggs -- kill them and get extra points:

You could have a special character Doctor Zombie who shows up sporadically in the background saying something like "I'm late to the clinic. Time to do a partial-brain abortion!" or "Hi! I'm on the Death Panel. Won't you take off your hat?"

You could have Robert Byrd (hey, he's dead anyway), walk in the background, leading small and large black dogs, whipping them and then screaming "He did it! Get Whitey! The Man's gonna keep you down!" and if the dog's get too restless, he could say "I'm on YOUR side... I respect Black Zombie Dogs. HE'S a dog hater!" and then release the Black Zombie Dog against the player. The dog's bark could sound like Rev. Sharpton -- a whining howl that occasionally parates some actual words.

If the player gets TOO far ahead, you could unleash (literally) HUNDREDS of undocumented brown and yellow zombies to over-power the player. They don't do tremendous damage, but they do steal resources, health, and weapons.

I'm still coming up with the concept, but I think I'm on a good path.

Oo! Special bosses! If the player uses a female avatar, sub-boss-rounds will be against Bill Clinton. When he's talking, the player gets groggy and can't run fast. If Bill catches the female character, he wraps his monstrous arms around her and squeezes until she's weak. The screen dims to shadow figures, and then the player is penalized and the background game sounds are 1) ripping cloth, 2) a deep squeel of a rutting southern hog, and then 3) a loud, anguished, woman's scream underlaying repeated hog squeels, closing with the sound of a woman sobbing softly while Clinton shambles away, mumbling "you better put some ice on that". The player loses up to HALF of their power, and they are weakened against attacks from other male zombies.

Hillary can also be a special boss. If the player has a male character, Hillary automatically gains 50% or more health or hit points. She has an attack of a harpy's shreak which causes the player to become disoriented and easier to attack.

I'll try to think of more, later.

Hope you enjoy, and if you make it into a stand-alone game, I would like a copy!

What do you think? Will they go for it?

Recent email to google:

"The Cream of the Master's Crop."

A comment to Google about "why are these results not satisfying to you?":
"You searched for 'The Cream of the Master's Crop.'."

"Please list which site or sites were irrelevant."
Are you serious? You guys have been "shopped". Do a search on "The Cream of the Master's Crop." -- a phrase found in a Wikipedia article on Bennett Cerf. You will see 107 (last count) entries listed -- the first is the actual article from Wikipedia. The other 106 are fishing pages that bear a reference to the same wikipedia article - in its entirety.
"Why were they irrelevant?
Because Google is a "tool"? Not in the "good" sense - something useful, but in the "you've been used" sense... much like a "party girl" would be 'used" by a fraternity in college. Disgusting then, not pretty now.
Evolution - In the beginning, there were search engines - and it was good. Then came the first serious use of the net - marketing and commerce! Then came page seeding - burying key words in pages, often in white space, to trick search engines into serving up wrong pages to un-suspecting web-searchers. And the bacteria and single-celled creatures thrived. Results became useless, and the future was dark -- the first Black Plaque of The Net. Then came algorithms and page analysis. Salted search terms were ignored, and the web became useful again. Then came the Giants. Small search engines became obviated. The Giants slaughtered them by the dozens, nay, but by the hundreds, by the thousands... The Giants became super useful! You could find EXACTLY what you wanted, refining searches, limiting results to sites or types of site, tailoring your search and thus your results. And of those Giants, one stood tall above the others -- seeing over the heads of those and those to come. This was because of powerful, secret SEAs... Search Engine Algorithms. But the bacteria survived, single-celled organisms became more complex - SEOs that got inside the SEAs and passed useless genes in, infecting the results. Search engine results again became useless, as pages were fed using techniques to game the system... search results became fat and empty, filled with germs and putrescence. SEAs evolved, and the future looked bright! Knowledge -- useful knowledge -- flourished. Cells bonded together, organisms evolved, man stood upright. Wikipedia was born! Knowledge, crystalizing. Wikipedia was not immune to germs, but it had a strong defense system - macrophages, which would scourge the articles, and clean, and wrestle unfact and untruth from them. Huzzah! Then, evolution again showed... parasitic organisms stitching good cells from Wikipedia into themselves and injecting themselves through the cell walls of the mightyest Giant -- redering it weak and ineffectual again. A danger time. This infection will pass, as the Giants system evolves to fight the invader, but for now, web uses will notice aches and pains, increated temperature and tempers, as the system fills with invading germs.

-----------------------
Rumors of my un-timely passing...

I won't quote Mark Twain (or Samuel Clemmens, for that matter). Just suffice it to say, I've spent the last year "dead" for tax purposes.


A whole year - and more - has gone by since my last blog post... ah, blame it on the economy. Or sunspots. Or the economy. When Jott went subscription-only (dropping the limited "free accounts"), I lost my most powerful link to maintaining my blog. No longer could I call in from the road with quips, little gems and observations, viral ideas, brilliant diamonds of genious. Nope. No more. I still have them -- in fact, when it comes to brilliant diamonds of genious, I am steenking reech! But I can't mine diamonds on the road... too much traffic, too high gas prices.


And, when I'm finally tethered, I can't mine or refine or add sparkling facets, there's just not enough time. Scribbled notes on index cards takes attention away from necessary things like avoiding cars and semis, earning a living, sleep... Gems are lost. Riches, un-realized, are just... nothing.


How about THAT for another "back in the saddle" attempt at resurrecting the zombie blog? Heh.


Let me see if I can remedy the sitch for a day...

OK, I'll share a secret with you... politicians disgust me. Well, yeah, pretty much all of them, but especially Democrat politicians.

They're not above name calling, lying, or being hypocrites.

They love to call Republicans names. They love to call those who follow the Tea Party principles names. They love to marginalize, segregate, foment discord and discontent, and they're generally bad in bed, also.

They were back at it again, last week and the weeks before, and the weeks before that.

The latest is, Republicans Are Terrorists, and They're Holding America Hostage.

Now, I've always prided myself on being pretty smart and not too smug, logical yet not un-feeling, sypathetic unless you're purposely being pathetic, and patient unless you're just down-right stupid and refuse to larn ya anythin!

At the last nerve, I just give up... I've gone from sympathy, earnestness, willingness to share knowledge and fact, and calm discussion, to outrageous truth-telling.

When it was "gunz are eevil, gunz are BAAAD", I was all, "well, let's look at this... here's the 2nd Amendment, here's what it's for, here's what it really says, and here's why you should support it...". Many people listened. Some understood. Some even changed their minds and saw clearly. Others... well, lets just say that they didn't... they couldn't hold a cogent argument, they couldn't do anything other than spout the twaddle spoon-force-fed them by the media elitists, and they didn't want to think.

At that point, I just told the truth. It wasn't pretty. But I wasn't invested in them at that point. They proved that they were mind-less drones, and what's more, they liked it.

Well, I am feeling that way again. Many of you have tried reasoning with politicians, pointing out their false beliefs, their bad behaviour, their detrimental actions... and they ignored you. They talked over you. They shunned you. They ridiculed you. And they perpetuated their bad behaviour.

It's time to tell the truth. When they say something stupid or outlandish, don't bother with pointing out the truth to them or arguing the facts... they're brain dead to truth.

The most recent bad behaviour is the standard old "conservatives are (fill in the blank with most ignorant, slanderous, libelous insults you can think of)". So, let's call names back, and tell the truth.

Democratic politicians are racist (race-baiting), dead beat, check-kiting, abusive, bullying, misery loving -- for others, hypocritical, selfish, two-faced, lying, pimping, baby-killing rapists and slavers.

And when they say that you're mean and unfair, you can point out the individual behaviours that uphold those facts...

They don't care that they are enslaving Americans mentally or fiscally. They don't mind race-baiting, or telling minorities that they are substandard, stupid, incapable losers. They purposely use fear and intimidation against Americans, lying and misleading them in order to manipulate the populace. They don't care if American goes bankrupt, they thrive of chaos and do their best to increase it. They say one thing one week, and then claim the exact opposite -- unless they're caught, then they claim that they were against it before they were for it, and for right now they're against it again, but check back at 11:00pm. They support abortion-on-demand and oppose parental notification. They encourage age-inappropriate sexual contact and fight parental involvement. They are for eminent domain, seizure without compensation, forced labor, and saddling generations to come with inescapable debt. They are bad bookkeepers, bad money managers, and have bad breath and bad posture. They reward bad behaviour and have no sense of responsibility. The list can go on and on.
Why reason? Tell the truth.

I won't quote Mark Twain (or Samuel Clemens, for that matter). Just suffice it to say, I've spent the last year "dead" for tax purposes.

A whole year - and more - has gone by since my last blog post... ah, blame it on the economy. Or sunspots. Or the economy. When Jott went subscription-only (dropping the limited "free accounts"), I lost my most powerful link to maintaining my blog. No longer could I call in from the road with quips, little gems and observations, viral ideas, brilliant diamonds of genious. Nope. No more. I still have them -- in fact, when it comes to brilliant diamonds of genious, I am steenking reech! But I can't mine diamonds on the road... too much traffic, too high gas prices.

And, when I'm finally tethered, I can't mine or refine or add sparkling facets, there's just not enough time. Scribbled notes on index cards takes attention away from necessary things like avoiding cars and semis, earning a living, sleep... Gems are lost. Riches, un-realized, are just... nothing.

How about THAT for another "back in the saddle" attempt at resurrecting the zombie blog? Heh.

Let me see if I can remedy the sitch for a day...

I've heard some awesome rhetoric in the last several days... clip after clip of Democrats calling Republicans terrorists and claiming that they're holding America hostage... and clip after clip of liberal media mavens calling Tea Party-ers terrorists and claiming they they're holding America hostage... and clip after clip of the president using confusion, misdirection, horror, and fear, claiming that Tea Partying, Conservative Repubicans are holding grandma and grandpa hostage while feeding them dog-food and pushing them over cliffs.

Whew. Get's me all choked up, all that restraint and respectful behaviour.

Now, me, I'd love to feed Democrat politicians dog poop while stuffing them into the trunks of Cadillacs and pushing the cars over the edge of the Marianas Trench, but I'm told that I have to show restraint and be circumspect and all that. I didn't say I was GOING to, just that I'd love to. Here's the restraint part... I'm not supposed to say anything that might hurt their feelings... Freedom of Speech it's called.

The last, best thing I've heard is that those new, young Tea Party Republicans... -- there's the first inaccuracy. They are Republicans, NOT Tea Party... remember, there IS No third party -- that's what the liberals adhere to -- until the elections, when they'll swear that the racist, blood-thirsty, hate-filled Tea Party is dragging the last vestage of Republican values through the mud, etc..
... that those new, young Tea Party Republicans who insist on standing on principles and demanding that the liberals in Congress be held accountable -- that they're Hobbits.

Sweet Glory, HOBBITS!

And for once, the dirty, steenking, low-down, lying, back-stabbing, Character-assissinating, thieving Democrats, for ONCE, they might be right.

Let's recap quickly:

Hobbits:
1) they're fictional -- don't let that stop you, the Democratic politicians have never been known to deal well with reality, and they have a love of making outrageous lies up out of thin air
2) they're "little people"
3) they believed in an evil that was planning on dragging the world into an hell of earth, enslaving every man, woman, and child that lived after it had feasted on the life's blood of the populace
4) they banded together and fought, against all odds, against horrors un-speakable (but readable), against the nastiest, evilist, power-hungry, stop-at-nothing-kill-your-dog-stomp-your-grandmother-to-death-and-spit-on-her-corpse rotten animated corpses every known in the Middle Kingdom or beyond,
5) thanks to them, the world continued... they fought the evil, and won one!

SO, if you want to get on my good side, if you want to paint me as the best thing since freedom and sliced-bread, if you want to pay me the best compliment you possibly can -- call me a Hobbit.

"Oh, those bad, bad, principle-holding, small-government-minded, balanced-budget, debt-hating Hobbits!"

Thank you, you raving lunatic Democrats and liberal media idjits... you finally got something right -- even a blind hog finds an acorn every now and again.